Thursday, April 15, 2010

Alcohol is Definitely Making me Dumber

I have a history of poor decision making when I have been drinking.  This is compounded by the fact that alcohol tricks me into believing that it's a smart idea to tackle difficult projects around my house when tipsy and/or drunk.  Generally these projects are just a hilarious discovery when I wake up and find them the next morning.  Last week, for example, I woke up to find that I had somehow mended a huge pile of clothes that had been sitting in my closet for at LEAST two seasons now.  Don't ask me how I was able to operate a needle and thread (or find the missing button to my favorite jacket) after 6 glasses of wine because I have no idea.  But I was.

Then there are other times where my HGTVism causes my drunken alter-ego to tackle projects that I wouldn't be capable of (stupid enough to try) sober, let alone after drinking.  Last night was perhaps, the coup de grâce...

I got home from dinner with a friend to find a huge box waiting at my back door.  Imagine my drunken delight when I opened it and saw the stereo receiver I had ordered a couple weeks ago!  Now, the smart idea would have been to leave this expensive equipment safely tucked away in its box, however, the wine I drank convinced me to pursue another course of action.  I gleefully pulled the massive receiver onto the floor and started wiring it up.  Shockingly enough (and this really is shocking all things considered) I turned it on and it was working perfectly!  I was so pleased with myself I could have just died.  That is, of course, until I went outside and found that none of the outdoor speakers were working.  Mother of God.

I grabbed my flashlight and went outside to investigate.  I was determined to get those speakers working if I had to rewire them myself!  Well, maybe not.  During my investigation I came across something I hate more than almost anything else in this world.  A red wasp's nest!  OMGOMG!  I am freaking terrified of bees!  Even the fat bumbly ones that can't sting you.  Hate them.  I mean, bees are such territorial little assholes.  What other bug would try to dive bomb your face just for walking past them?   

(Ok, this is where I would have stopped if I was sober.  I hate bees and there is no way I would tackle a nest of them in the dark without some serious liquid courage.  Anyway, read on...)

Screw that! I wasn't going to let those buzzy little f**kers ruin my outdoor audio experience!  I ran inside, grabbed a can of raid from out from under the kitchen sink and sprayed that nest until the bottle was empty.  Spoiler alert!  Raid for ants does not work on flying insects.  Now I have an empty bottle of Raid and an enraged nest of wasps on my hands.  Clearly this seek and destroy mission has fallen off course.  Time to abort.  I was moving so fast that I literally flew back into my house. 

On my to-do list for today: Call exterminator and electrician.

XOXO,
BlogMePretty

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