Tylenol PM Should Probably be Outlawed

I do and always have suffered from insomnia.  When I was in law school I had no problem getting my hands on Ambien or the shit that has the massive butterfly in the commercial, so I was always sleeping soundly.  Sadly, after graduation those sleep inducing goodies have become been much more difficult to obtain (as are all other illicit drugs, but whatever) and I've found myself consistently plagued by sleepless nights.  It doesn’t help that I share my queen size bed with two (sometimes three) psychopathic dogs, one of whom has a statistically significant snoring problem.

Anyway, my recent sleeplessness has driven me back to my old high school vice…Tylenol PM.  Tylenol PM is undeniably at the bottom of the sleeping aid totem pole.  It takes at least an hour to kick in, and even then, it leaves me exhausted but internally jittery, which means I have a crappy night's worth of sleep and wake up with a sleeping pill hangover that leaves me groggy and irritated for the entire next day. Even worse, when I’m in that super sleepy haze a couple hours after taking Tylenol PM, I tend to make really bad decisions. For instance, I decided last night that I needed to buy a couple pairs of jeggings (since I don’t already own 5) from Bloomingdales (hey, at least I had the mental clarity to use a coupon) and $200 worth of God-knows-what from Forever21.com.  That is just super.  It's not like have tons of wedding shit I have to buy over the next 4 months and limited funds with which to buy it or anything like that.  Why not go and waste almost $400 on some crap I don't need?

This got me thinking about whether or not I might have a potential claim against Tylenol PM.  I'm pretty sure my AMEX bill would provide rock solid evidence for a products liability, failure to warn claim.  I mean, their bottle should clearly carry a warning like: THIS MEDICINE MAY CAUSE COMPULSIVE SHOPPING.  DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THE INTERNET UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THIS MEDICATION.  Then again, they would probably need to go ahead and slap that label on wine bottles too, since that tends to have the same effect on me.

You know what?  Wine is a much better sleep aid than Tylenol PM anyway.  I believe I'll pick up a bottle on my way home from work.  See y'all in my dreams (I'll be the one making out with Christian Bale while David Beckham gives me a back massage).

XOXO,

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