I'm About to Pink Slip my Brain

I am notoriously bad about excessive nickname use.  I have a nickname for most of my girlfriends, the majority of my coworkers and all of my (and my friends') ex-boyfriends.  All nicknames are cleverly crafted to reflect the true essence of the person to which they attach and most would probably get me get me sued for intentional infliction of emotional distress if anyone but me and my inner circle knew about them.

Now, normally these nicknames are harmless and exist for the sole purpose of giving me and my friends something to laugh hysterically about over wine; but they have been known, on occasion, to come back and bite me on the ass.  Unfortunately for me, one such occasion was just this past weekend.  I was out for drinks Friday night with friends when I saw this attorney from my office that I've lovingly dubbed: Douchebaggins.  Generally speaking, Douchebaggings is a nice guy; he's just a loser with no friends that has the terrible misfortune of bearing a striking resemblance to Bilbo Baggins from the Lord of the Rings movies (I know this reference makes me a loser too but I really don't care). 

I tend to feel sorry for the guy, so I invited him to join us for a drink.  That was when things went really, really bad.  "Hey there!  This is my friend Elizabeth.  Elizabeth, this is Douc...um...ummmmm...uhhh." Oh my god, I can't remember his real name.  What is it?  notdouchebagginsnotdouchebaggins.  I was totally frizzing out.  Thankfully he stepped in and introduced himself but the damage was already done.  Thanks a lot brain.   I tried to play it off like I had just had too much to drink and totally blanked out but I could tell he wasn't buying it.  For a split second, I felt really bad.  Then I realized, this is Douchebaggins.  What do I care if he thinks I'm the biggest bitch on the planet?  Can I get another glass of wine?

XOXO,
BlogMePretty

Why I was Running Late this Morning

I got to the office this morning at 10 (mind you, I was supposed to be there at 8). I overslept because I was up late taking care of some seriously important business (watching re-runs of the Real Housewives of New York that I've already seen 100 times and shopping for honeymoon outfits online). Of course, I couldn't let anyone in my office know the real reason for my tardiness or they would think I was a worthless pleb, so I concocted an elaborate, unverifiable lie to cover my ass. "I was at the court this morning! I had a bunch of filings that had to be done today!" What court you ask? That doesn't matter. My bosses work in "the corporate group" and they don't know the first thing about courtrooms or filings. Even if they were curious to follow up, my bosses have too much pride to grace me with a follow up question anyway. I knew I was golden.

To my great dissapointment, when I finally got in (looking exhausted from running around "courts" all morning) my secretary told me that it had been a slow morning and nobody had been by my office. Hmmmm....oh well, I can save that excuse for the next time I'm running late (aka. tomorrow morning).

XOXO

BlogMePretty