Attic Fan = Huge Mistake

When I got home from work last night my house seriously felt (and smelled) like a cheap disgusting sauna. Both of my dogs were panting like crazy and giving me the stink eye for leaving them in that hot hell-hole all day. So I do what I always do when the house gets too hot, open a window and put the attic fan to work. I refuse to use the A.C. yet because 1) it's only April and it's beautiful out, and 2) I need that electric bill money for some other ridiculous frivolity (the real reason being the latter). I had some friends coming over to drink a couple glasses (bottles) of wine with me, so I just let the fan run while we enjoyed the patio weather (See, I told you. Patio > Allergies).

Ok, cut to two hours later. I clean everything up and head inside. Hmmmm, why do my countertops look so strange. I touch them. God, they feel gritty, gross! I would swear I just cleaned them. Then I'm struck with the horrifying realization of what that is all over my countertops. Pollen. Tons of yellow toxic dust is literally coating every inch of my house. It is everywhere. F**K me! The stupid attic fan sucked it in and distributed it over everything I own. Oh my god, my closet doors were open. My clothes. Oh god, I can't breathe. Too much pollen in the air. Why did I fire my maid!?

What am I going to do about this? I was exhausted so I decided it sleep on it (it, being a layer of pollen). I woke up this morning and (after I pried my pollenetically sealed eyes open) think I've come to the only rational decision. My maid is getting re-hired. Today.

XOXO,

BlogMePretty

I'm Definitely Losing my Battle Against Seasonal Allergies

I figured I should share this now in case I perish at some point today (which feels practically inevitable at this point). Anyway, I suffer from some pretty heinious seasonal allergies. Lucky for me, my allergies' "season" generally runs from about March 1st until the end of October, which I'm pretty sure means that I'm allergic to every single plant known to man (super). Now, generally my seasonal allergies are fully controlled by the double assault of Zyrtec D and Flonase, however this year my usual arsenal is proving no match for the massive yellow dust cloud engulfing the city.

My living hell is only precipitated by the fact that I love nothing more than to sit outside with a delicious bevy on a well positioned patio. I seriously know how drug addicts feel. It might be killing me, but I can't stay away from patios. Who cares that I wake up feeling like someone replaced by contact solution with siracha sauce, that I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from allergy-induced chronic fatigue syndrome, or that my body feels so sore and exhausted you'd think I fell down a flight of stairs or something (oh, yeah)? I need those patios and their proprietiers need me.

Besides, I can't avoid this pollen anyway. It is everywhere. Inside my house, my car, my office (ok, I don't know if that last one is true but it feels like it is), all over my dogs... So, like they say, if you can't beat them, join them. I think I'll spend tonight staining my new white pants yellow on a hyper-pollinated patio somewhere.

XOXO,

BlogMePretty