April Fools Day Sucks

I do and always have hated April Fools Day. While this might sound counterintuitive since I generally enjoy orchestrating pranks, I cannot handle pranks being pulled on me. I even considered staying home today because I know my idiot loser bosses think there is nothing funnier than toying with the associates' emotions/self esteem/self worth (and I deal with enough of that already the other 364 days of the year).

Even worse, April Fools makes me acknowledge two of my biggest flaws (and clearly I would prefer to think of myself as flawless). First, that I'm incredibly gullible and second, that I'm a vengeful bitch. So, if someone pulls a prank on me, I will fall for it. Guaranteed. Then I will spend the next couple weeks wasting my precious time, planning an appropriate revenge which is 1000000 times worse than what you pulled on me. I have to, it is the only way to restore homeostasis.

Today is especially bad because I have been needing to call the bridal shop that has been handling my wedding dress cleaning (don't ask), since they have had my dress for two months now. I've been worried (of course) that something is wrong since they said it would only take two weeks to get it cleaned. I've been blowing up their phones once a week for the past month and they ASSURE me everything is fine, it's just taking "longer than they expected" (holyshit). So, I really need to call and harass them today but I'm worried they are going to tell me something went wrong and I am going to flip my shit. How am I supposed to know if they are being serious or they seriously played the meanest prank known to man on a bride-to-be on the verge. They better hope the dress is actually ruined, because the revenge needed to overcome a prank like that would be extreme (burning the store down). I mean, hypothetically speaking, of course.

XOXO,

BlogMePretty

Someone in This Office is Going to Perish...

I clearly have a very short fuse when it comes to people in my office (because I abhor each and every one of them) but I think that I generally do a good job about keeping myself in check. My bitchery is reserved for special occasions...like today, for instance. So, today I was forced to endure what we in the "legal community" refer to as a CLE. CLEs are mandatory classes that attorneys have to take to stay abreast of the law, but what they REALLY are, are mind numbing torture devices meant to strip your soul of it's will to live.

Now, I have been to plenty CLEs in my day, but this one was hands down the worst. The speaker's voice was literally the auditory version of sleeping pills. He also, apparently, controls the time-space continuum because I would swear I had been playing 30 minutes worth of Miss Pac Man on my Iphone when in reality, I had only been there for 10 (greuling) minutes. I actually had to get up and leave, despite the glares from the partners around me, so that I didn't pass out and slam my head into the table in front of me. I don't care. I'm not taking a disfiguring blow like that for this thankless job.

To make matters worse, the weather outside was GORGEOUS and we were inside a room with no windows. While this might not bother some people, I have this complete obsession with being outside (preferably on a patio, imbibing) when the weather is nice. Because of all this, I'm going to have to leave work early and go find a patio and a margarita. My bosses have nobody to blame but themselves!!

XOXO,

BlogMePretty